03 August 2010

why, ladies, why?

I have very few friends that are female. This is mostly because I don't identify with women/girls. I don't think like them. My mom always says that I'm a guy trapped in a girl's body. I don't have anything against women. In fact, I don't know enough of them to hold grudges. So, my question to all the girls who read this (if there are any) is, why do women go back to abusive and/or cheating men?

I know of several girls who are in unhealthy relationships. I don't claim to know a thing about relationships, they are a mystery to me. But I would assume that there are pros and cons to every relationship, whatever the nature. So in a particular relationship, if the bad outweighs the good, why would you stay? One must always consider the scope of longevity. Do you see a future? Are there IFs to that future? i.e. "If he changes, I'll marry him." or "If he stops smoking, we'll move in together." Firstly, people don't change. If by chance, a man changes for you, he will ultimately resent you later. True and lasting change comes from within.

I've always wondered about these girls... is it weakness or strength? My cynicism has me assume that these people are weak for not being able to stand up, say no, and walk out. But it wouldn't be fair to consider the other side. Are they strong for sticking it out in the face of adversity? Are they admirable for wanting to see and wait for the good in a person?

And then, the most important question comes in to play. Is it worth it? Many advanced cancer patients refuse treatment (chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, etc). I assume it's because for them the end isn't worth the means. Because sometimes, the treatment will kill you before you're cured. So my question to you is whether the man is worth the pain he causes?

I aim this only at women because I find that they are more likely than men to indulge in self-destructive behavior. If my views offend you, click on the X on the top right corner of this window.


  1. The women I know tend to stick it out longer because they have this notion that the man they know is the only one for them, whereas men are quicker to finding other options. I have a couple of friends who think their boyfriends dumped them for some altruistic reason like "to not hurt his parents", "he still loves me"!

  2. Hahaha, fantastic use of the word "altruistic" :) And you're right, men are quicker to move on. A blessing and a curse, I suppose.

  3. I've come across many such women. I think its because of low self-esteem. Most of the times, they live in fear. They just block their memories so that the truth doesn't creep up and ruin things. I'm not a relationship guru either, but I dont think that men move on faster. IMO, I think its the opposite. I've seen women moving on faster, but its always the women who're stuck in unhealthy relationships for a long time whereas men even if stuck, tend to fool around.

  4. I guess I should feel lucky not to have known any women who has succumbed to an abusive relationship and repeated the pattern over and over because I would not be able to stand it!!! And that is a terrible thought because that means I would have no sympathy for them - o boy! and that thought makes me shiver because I would like to think that I'm a compassionate human being.

    That trend of thought comes when I think intellectually about this topic.

    With my heart, I'd not try to understand because it would simply stupify me. I'd just want to show that women kindness and maybe at some point she'd confide in me and I'd be able to help her understand what it is that makes her repeat the cycle.

    Seems like a dichotomy between the mind and heart, right?

    If I would have to venture into figuring out why some women do this I'd think upbringing would have to play a big role. The patterns of behavior that we grow up being a witness to somehow become acceptable however crooked they maybe. To have parents who are good role models, who have values that are clear, true and free of complication helps a great deal to build personality and character. Those of us who have had that have been very lucky.

    ok I'm done ;)!